Moving in Grief is a 'one step at a time' experience.
Sometimes the steps are through mud and your shoe is sucked off your foot and you can barely move.
Other times...you take two steps forward and one step back. Progress is slow...but you are moving.
I have a song about that.
And still other times....it is a Cha Cha.
Of course there are the days when the most you can do is stand in one place.....willing yourself to stop breathing because you can no longer bear the pain.
I've been in all these places. Wishing the world would stop...because it did on 'that' day, for me. I think it probably did for you too.
But the world keeps turning and no one else...except the few who know and love you best...can see that time stopped when your person's heart stopped. And now you can't move...
...because if you take a step you will fall into the void to go after them.
And then....
...and then....
one day you start to walk again.
Maybe at first a bit like a zombie....unseeing...numb.
Eventually you find that the steps are easier.
Because life does go on...
...because one day you find that you trust that the ground will meet you.
One day you notice that instead of your person being the 'first' thing you think of when you open your eyes in the morning.....they are the second.
I don't know yet, myself, whether they become the third or fourth.
But I do know that I don't do the Cha Cha as often.
I do know that I laugh genuinely more often.
I do know that I am beginning to feel lighter.
I do know that I can see more than one step in front of me now
...and it feels good to see a path unfolding...even if it is only a few steps.
I've learned to believe that there is still a "YES!" for me.
So if you're here....
Give yourself the Grace you would give to those you love best....
One step at a time.....no matter what direction the next step takes.
And know that there are those...and I am one...who will walk with you.
