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Valentine's F#%king Day

Somehow (and I don't know the history, but probably should), we have this 'holiday' once a year when lovers everywhere, and elementary school fact...a whole lotta people go buy candy, flowers, cards, perfume...go out to dinner to celebrate their 'love'.

If your partner has died, you may feel a sting because the one you loved most in the world, who companioned you in so much of life and celebrated YOU while you celebrated simply not here in the flesh to wrap your arms around.

The Hallmark moments are just not there for you. Of course, it may never have actually been a 'thing' for you anyway. I personally have mixed feelings about anything that is a 'supposed to...'. Regardless, even if it was not something you still is every-f'ing where! It is hard to not feel a moment of angsty longing for what 'was' but 'is no


Your love is still there. Isn't it? You look at a photo of your Beloved and you feel a pang of anxiety, that familiar heart ache of loss. They aren't here. You KNOW that. still feel the love welling up from the depths of you for what you once had with them as well as the continuing bond of love that helps hold your heart together.

Personally, just this morning I sought out the last Valentine's card that David gave me, read it, and as tears pushed forward I lifted my chin and howled in heart pain and missing.

That's the 'real' of it. The real Blues!

What can you do?

  1. Cry if you feel that

  2. Buy a card and write a note to your Beloved in it

  3. Buy flowers for yourself, perhaps 'their' favorite

  4. Take yourself out to dinner and bring a photo of them with you

  5. Take a walk or a drive and talk to them about all that you see and feel

  6. Sit down with some paper and ask them to 'write' to you

(Trust me, I've done a fair number of Dear Patti letters from David and I'm always impressed with what comes from that exercise.)

Whatever you choose to gentle with yourself. Be kind to the tender places in your heart and in your mind. Be loving of yourself in the way that you know your Beloved would be. You still deserve the love. It is that now you must shower yourself with love...on their...and your behalf. Keep saying "Yes!" to love. Keep saying "Yes!" to life. This is the one we get. Let love, in all it's ways and splendors and even the sorrowful what guides you now.

I see you.

I hear you.

I send love to you and to your person.

And now I'm going to buy myself a single red rose!

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